Project Description

Cosmopolitan
June 2007

The Power of Cuddling
By Cara Litke

You know you love snuggling up to your boy, but how you do it send him certain messages and encourages specific responses. We teach you six cozy ways to make a connection.

Sure, wrapping your arms around each other makes you and your guy feel good. But you may not realize that snuggling can serve a lot of other functions in your relationship—from strengthening your bond to turning you on. “Touch is the most powerful form of nonverbal communication,” explains gender-communication expert Audrey Nelson, PhD, author of You Don’t Say. “In the same way that we use words to convey our thoughts, we use touch to express our feelings.”
Since different nestling positions can help fulfill and express different emotional needs, the first step is learning what they are and when you should use them. Once you do, you can cuddle your way to a more satisfying twosome.

The Need: To Bond with Him
Key position: The Face-to-Face

There are a ton of ways to connect with your guy, but nothing—not even a romantic candlelit dinner or a long walk together—brings you closer than a few minutes of quiet nuzzling. The best intimacy-boosting snuggle: Lie down on the bed, face-to-face, and wrap your arms around each other. “For a lot of couples, being close enough to feel each other’s breath and hear each other’s whispers is connecting,” says Paul Rosenblatt, PhD, author of Two in a Bed: The Social System of Couple Bed Sharing. “Women especially like this up-close interaction because the intense eye contact makes you feel so emotionally linked,” says Nelson. It’s also a good position when you want to get something off your chest. “You’ll be so comfortable with him, you won’t feel the need to hold back,” she adds.

The Need: To Connect Postsex
Key position: The Spoonfest

Those sleepy, bask-in-the-glow moments after a sack session should not—repeat not—be wasted. Think about it: During sex, you and your guy are literally merged. To maintain that closeness—physically and emotionally—invite him to snuggle up behind you. “Spooning you from the behind, especially after sex, makes a man feel powerful and masculine,” says Nelson. “It’s a comfortable position for him because it’s not face-to-face so he doesn’t feel so vulnerable.”
You can also spoon him from behind. “Aligning your body with his extends the sexual experience and lets him know that you want to be close,” says Nelson. “Women love this position because it helps maintain intimacy after you just had sex,” she says. And if you’re in the mood for round two, your hands are free to roam his bod to boost his arousal.

The Need: To Show The Love
Key Position: The Low-Key Lean

Making out with your guy or holding his hand isn’t the only way to show affection. Another great option is the lean. “Leaning in to someone is one of the most basic ways to say ‘I care about you,’” says clinical sexologist Ava Cadell, PhD. The beauty of this cuddle is that you can do it anywhere you’re sitting sex to each other, from your couch at home to a park bench to a restaurant booth. Just lean into the nook of his arm as he drapes it over your shoulder. The best part? If you’re in public, it looks sweet—not nauseating—to people around you.
“It’s not an overly demonstrative position, but it does show that you and your partner reply on each other, that you feel safe with each other, and that you’re completely content in your relationship,” says Cadell.

The Need: To Calm Down
Key position: The Chest Press

If you’ve had a hellacious day, there’s plenty of potential to turn it around when you get home. But rather than sitting next to your guy to moan about your misery, have him lie down and then lie on top of him with your head on his chest.
“Sitting next to someone doesn’t really provide comfort, which is what you need,” says Cadell. “But lying directly on top of him and hearing the sounds of his heartbeat will make you feel reassured and protected, the same way you felt cared for in your mother’s womb. You’ll relax almost instantly.”
And he’ll love it too. “This position will remind your guy that you still need him that he’s your rock,” says Nelson. If he’s the one who needs to decompress, then all you have to do is switch places so he’s resting on you.

The Need: To Make him Feel Manly
Key position: The lap rest

It’s no secret that in order to keep your man happy, you need to stoke his ego every now and then. This sneaky trick will give him a testosterone rush and make him feel like the man without your saying a word. The next time he’s sitting on the couch or bed, saunter over and lie down perpendicular to him so your head is resting in his lap. “When your head is in his lap, it creates a submissive sexual undertone that serves to make him feel primal and masculine,” says Cadell.
The fact that he’s physically higher than you helps to make him feel strong and able to protect you, “which puts him in complete control,” explains Nelson. “Not to mention that his hands and legs are free to move as well, so he won’t feel tied down.” That’s a good thing, because this pose is likely to spike his libido. He’ll want to move his hands all over you.

The Need: To Get it on
Key position: The Sexy Straddle

Granted, it doesn’t take a helluva lot of work to get a guy into bed. But when you’re in a sultry, seductive mood, try the sexy straddle to slowly tease him into a frenzy. Just have him sit in a chair or on the edge of his bed, and straddle his lap facing him. “The physical nature of this position and the fact that you’re sitting on him are arousing,” says Nelson. But they’re not the only things that excite him. “The visual stimulation is a big turn-on too,” Nelson adds.
Want to really drive him crazy? Wrap your arms around his, kiss his neck softly, and rotate your hips so you’re putting pressure on his genitals. “By kissing him and gyrating, you’re alluding to sex without actually acting it out, which is really titillating for him,” says Cadell. “It also tells him that you’re ready for more.”