Sexual Appetites

The Wave
November 2003

Question:
To addsome spice to our marriage, this weekend I brought a bottle of Hershey’s syrup into the bedroom, hoping my husband of 15 years would delight in licking it off me. But before I could make a sundae, my hubby wondered aloud if the syrup could cause any infection if it got inside me. Is chocolate sauce safe in the bedroom, and if not what lick able food items would you recommend as genital-safe?

Dr. Ava’s Answer:
First of all, I must congratulate you on taking the initiative to spice up your marriage with such creativity. However, your husband is right on the mark because chocolate inside the vagina could result in a nasty, itchy, painful infection. Don’t feel too bad though because you can still pour chocolate sauce all over your body and ask your husband to lick it off, but you can’t put it in your vagina. Here are the facts about what to put in and keep out of the vagina. Do not put anything unsanitary, foods that contain sugar, alcohol, foods with seeds because the vagina is a dark, moist and warm so things can actually grow in there. Am I scaring you yet? Even if you want to use a banana or a cucumber, put a condom on it to protect yourself from bacteria. If in doubt leave it out! The vagina is actually the cleanest cavity in the body because it cleans itself and maintains a perfect ph balance. So what can you put inside the vagina that’s safe and feels good? Apart from your husband pride and joy, you can insert appropriate sex toys, but keep them clean, commercial lubricants that say on the label that they are safe for insertion, clean fingers with manicured nails and of course an eager tongue is always good.

Question:
I’ve been in a lesbian relationship for about a year now and I’m deeply in love with my girlfriend. She’s always been gay, and I’m not so sure what I am. All I know is that I fell in love with this chick, and I don’t care whether or not it makes me or her or whoever gay. My problem, however, is that I literally start to drool when I see hot guys in the streets or at work. I’ve never been so horny in my life. My girlfriend and I have sex regularly, and it’s definitely good sex. I cum every time, which is about a dozen times more than I’ve ever cum with a guy. But I just can’t help myself–I need dick. I feel like I haven’t eaten in days and these men are walking around with big, thick, juicy hot dogs, and I need to take a bite! What should I do? I don’t want to cheat on my girlfriend, but I need something.

Dr. Ava’s Answer:
You say that you’re in love with your girlfriend, but that you lust after men which brings me to the conclusion that you are bisexual. The fact that your girlfriend is a lesbian has put you in a really difficult situation, but if you don’t act upon your sexual fantasies about men, then you’ll become even more sexually frustrated and eventually you’ll resent your girlfriend. You’re going to have to talk to your girlfriend and tell her about your sexual needs. She has three choices: (a) to include a man in your sexual activities occasionally (b) to give you permission to have sex with a man on your own or (c) to call it a day and terminate your relationship. If you do leave your girlfriend to satisfy your hunger for men, the good news is that most men would give anything to have two women in their bed, so you’ll be encouraged to find another girlfriend who is also bisexual.

Question:
I’ve been hearing a lot of people talk about being “Polyamorous.” They talk about it like it’s some big “lifestyle choice,” but I think it’s just an excuse to be slutty and avoid commitment. Who’s right: them or me?

Dr. Ava’s Answer:
Polyamory means “loving more than one.” The difference between polyamory and swinging is that polygamous people can love more than one person and be sexually and emotionally involved with them. Swingers trade partners for sexual gratification. Polyamorous people are open and honest about their multiple relationships with the knowledge and approval of their partners. Believe it or not, polyamory need not involve sex at all so that blows your theory for it being an excuse to be slutty. Polyamorous couples often live together and even have group marriages. But most significantly, polyamory seems to be about building new relationships that grow together rather than trading old ones in when they get bored.