Q & A
Dr. Ava Cadell’s radio show, A Touch of Romance, is the leading cause of freeway accidents in Los Angeles.
Q: My penis is shaped like a banana. Do girls find that odd?
Ava: The truth is, she’s more likely to notice the way you do the deed. Hopefully, you’ll be keeping her too busy for her to liken your penis to perishable produce.
Q: I love my girlfriend, but I also love strip clubs. How can I get her to understand that I go to have fun, not because she doesn’t turn me on?
Ava: If she knew that you frequented these dens of sin before you started dating, she shouldn’t expect you to change now. But if this is a new development, you may have to make a decision-her or the Bada Bing.
Q: My girlfriend sucks at oral sex-and not in a good way. What can I do to improve her technique?
Ava: Watch a dirty movie together-one that features oceans of oral sex. Then say, “It’d be a real turn-on to do exactly what they’re doing.” If she doesn’t like pornos, us the power of positive suggestion with something like, “You look so sexy when you go down on me.” Lay it on thick. Then give a brief play-by-play on how she’s doing. “I love when you run your tongue-oooh, right there!”
Q: I’d love to experiment with sex toys, but my girlfriend isn’t into anything kinky. How can I change her mind?
Ava: First of all, toys are not kinky as in “weird”-they’ve been around since the beginning of time. Ancient Romans use to carve dildos out of wood and marble. Your girlfriend sounds a little inhibited, so start out with some nonfreaky household items. Tickle her with a feather duster, or ask her to give you a massage with a rolling pin. Eventually, you might be able to break out the 13-inch-long Purple Power Ranger, but start slow.
Q: I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year. The sex was incredible at first, but now it’s dull. How can I get out of this rut?
Ava: Make sure you’re making love to her the way she likes it or she’ll do everything she can to avoid it. Say, “I want to be the best you’ve ever had. I’m at your service-what would you like, milady?” Even if you think that sounds embarrassing, you have to ask her about it. I mean you wouldn’t cook her a steak without asking how she likes it-you’d ruin a fine piece of meat. With sex, it’s the same idea. The more you talk about sex, the better it’ll be…and the more of it you’ll have.
Q: My girlfriend said that her friend has 10 orgasms a night. Now I feel like a putz. How can I give her multiples?
Ava: Try what we experts call the Venus Butterfly technique: Rub her clitoris, alternating between short and long strokes, then arouse the outside of her vagina with circular motions. Go back to clitoral stimulation until she gets all riled up again. Next, slip a finger or two-palm up-inside of her and lightly tap on the G-spot. It’s most effective if you use your tongue as well. Keep going until she pops and-voila-her friend’s overblown sexual antics are toast.
Q: My girlfriend’s anal about anal sex. She says it’s for porn stars and thinks it would hurt. How can I talk her into it?
Ava: You can’t talk her into it, but you can help her discover her “erogenous zones.” Give her a massage, and when you get to the anal area, caress it lightly. If she doesn’t squirm away or slap you, slip in a lubricated finger. Then introduce your penis in a loving and gentle manner. If she doesn’t think it’s so loving and gentle, of course, all bets are off.
Q: I’d really like to have a threesome with my girlfriend and another girl. What’s the best way to make this happen?
Ava: When you’re hot and heavy, whisper, “Wouldn’t it be sexy if another girl were watching us?” If she gets into talking dirty about it, maybe she’ll try it. The real hard part is finding Chickadee No. 2. Don’t choose a friend-it’ll come back and bite you in the ass, and not in a good way. And don’t pick up just anyone at a bar or you could wind up with a gal who’s got bunny-boiling potential.
Q: I’ve been limp for two years. Not all the time, mind you-just when it friggin’ counts. Please send me a reason not to cut the bastard off.
Ava: You have performance anxiety, and the longer you ignore the problem, the harder it will be to, err, perform. [Editor’s note: Perform sexually, she means; juggling and unicycling are still fine.] For physical therapy, masturbate more often [Another editor’s note: And she’s a doctor!] and work at keeping it up for 20 minutes. The ability to exert control over it will make you more penis-confident the next time you’re with a woman. Then, hopefully, it’ll start to work in clutch situations.
Q: My girlfriend saw the Sex and the City golden-shower episode and now wants me to pee on her. Is this harmful?
Ava: Golden showers are just a fetish that some people have. It’s not harmful, but do it in the shower. If it really turns her on, why not?
Q: I’m not a two-pump chump, but I’d like to last longer in the sack. A guy can only think about baseball for so long! Is there something else I can do?
Ava: This is easy. Just learn to control the muscle that lets you stop and start peeing. Then, it’s a bit like Luke feeling the Force: When you feel an orgasm coming, tighten the muscle and breathe deeply-decreasing your level of arousal. Now repeat: peak, squeeze, breathe. The quicker you breathe, the quicker you’ll go; so slow down. You can practice this during the day-but it’s one to try at the urinal, not at the board meeting.
Q: I’d love to get my gal to ejaculate. Know any tricks to try?
Ava: She really has to be able to let herself go. You might want to use some sex toys to get her to this point. My favorite (don’t laugh) is the Mini Flexo Pleaser by Doc Johnson-it vibrates against the G-spot. Now get to work!