In The Confessional
by Anka Radakovich
WE GO TO THE DOCTOR WHEN we have health problems, but most of us never think of going to a sex doc with sexual problems. Most people are so embarrassed by sexual issues, the last thing they want to do is tell a total stranger about them. (“Nice to meet you. Did I tell you about my queefing [involuntary pussy farts] and my boyfriend’s liny wiener?”)
So what happens in a sex therapist’s office? To find out, I made an appointment with Dr. Ava Cadell, PhD, sexologist and certified sex therapist.
As I walk into her office, she lifts up her new sex invention, a contraption that produces “trigasms.”
“It stimulates the vagina, the clitoris, and the g- spot all at once,” she announces.
“Almost everyone has the ability to improve their sex life,” says Dr. Ava, a beautiful brunette with a cute Hungarian accent who is like Dr. Ruth, only younger and sexier. “Everybody wants to be a good lover, she says.” (There’s nothing more humiliating than someone accusing you of being bad in bed.)
For every sexual problem, she says, there’s a solution. Many women complain to Dr. Ava about their lack of orgasms. “I tell women to be responsible for their own orgasms,” she says. For women unsatisfied by their lovers, Dr. Ava offers everything from specific cooch strokes to advice on how to teach their men how to work it down there. “Every woman is capable of having an orgasm,” she tells me, as I scan her office shelves filled
with dildos and trildos. “She just needs to discover the right kind of stimulation.”
Often, says Dr. Ava, problems are emational rather than physical.
“Most couples have some sort of power struggle, whether it has to do with such conflicts as frequency of sex, lack of sexual satisfaction, or fidelity issues.” She occasionally gets a pathetic case, like the 36-year-old virgin who was so shy with women he was afraid to ..have sex with them. She sent him to a sex surrogate.
Dr. Ava (who has chronicled the problems of couples and singles in her book, Confessions Of 3 Sex Therapist! pinpoints each patient’s problems, then follows up with solutions.
“I see all kinds of people,” she says. “One couple was Iranian and their religion didn’t allow them to have sex before marriage. When they had sex after marriage, they discovered his penis was way too big for her! First I told the husband to focus more on foreplay. Then I gave the wife four dildos of different sizes and told her to go home and practice!” (The dildos were sized small, medium, large, and “camel.”}
“Each couple is different,” she says, “I see all sorts oi conflicts. I had one couple where the husband was really mad at his wife for insulting him. She insulted his penis! (‘You stupid little penis!’) He was traumatized.”
For couples who need sexual healing, Dr. Ava has 12-step plan to get them back together. She has them try everything from “exchanging emotional compliments,”
to discovering each other’s erogenous zones (“Where did you say your g-spot was again?”), sexual etiquette (never insult each other’s body parts), to trying playful things like nude wrestling.
One couple came in with a husband complaining his wife was so uptight she couldn’t enjoy sex.
“She came from a strict Christian background that taught her that sex was sinful and dirty,” Dr. Ava says, “and she needed to get over the shame and guilt.” Dr. Ava’s solution: “I introduced the couple to Tantric and Toaist erotic arts of the East. Then, she could practice some of these techniques while assuaging her guilt.” (This took her mind off the dirty, nasty sex she was going to Hell for.) ^
When she gets me to confess my sexual problem [I confessed I was horny], she recommends I get a ‘[sensual body massage” by a professional masseur. “Every woman should have an erotic massage,” she says. “Most men do not know how to sensually massage woman. I just got a massage! He charges $60.”
“Does he give the happy ending?” I ask.
“He’ll do whatever you want!” she says. “Oh. and he’s a Buddhist, so if he starts talking about Buddhism, tell him to shut up!” (Next month’s “An Appointment With the Erotic Buddhist Therapist?”)
After hearing some of these tips, I decided everyone could benefit by going to a sex therapist, whether with sex problems or not. (The guys I’ve dated in the past should all go.) It’s true: everybody can be better in bed and have more fun while there’