Cosmopolitan
November 2006

Men & Sex – 10 Secret Shockers
by Anna David

We’re experts on the subjects of males and booty, and even we were shocked by these randy revelations. Prepare to be enlightened—then use the new info to bring your boy more bedroom bliss than he ever thought possible.
No matter how advanced your bedroom smarts are, there are always new frisky facets of men to be unearthed. “We don’t give guys enough credit for how multidimensional their sexual lives are,” says Erika Pluhar, PhD, a certified sexuality educator at Emory University and coauthor of Sexual Etiquette 101. “And because of that, surprising things can go undiscovered.”

And we wouldn’t want that to happen! So we asked sex experts and guys themselves to divulge men’s innermost sexual thoughts and behaviors. The result? Ten revelations that will help you understand—and excite—your guy like never before.

1 You’re Not the Only One Who Has Faked It

Now and then, men can’t get over the brink for the same reasons women can’t—they’re tired, stressed, or the urge just slips away—so they pretend to peak. “If I don’t climax, my girlfriend works hard to make me, which is awkward for both of us,” says Jay*, 26. “So once or twice, I’ve faked it.”

Yep: Surveys by Durex, ABC News, and Britain’s ITV network all found that 11 to 19 percent of guys have put on an act. Luckily, if it happens, it’s no biggie, plus you probably won’t notice—especially with a condom. (If you suspect your guy is faking regularly, it could be medical, so urge him to see a doc.)

But if his overall enthusiasm is flagging, sex is probably becoming too predictable, so mix things up: Try new positions, get busy first thing in the a.m., or vary the venue. “Try seducing him in the kitchen,” suggests Joan Elizabeth Lloyd, author of The Perfect Orgasm. “Counters are a perfect height for oral sex.”

2 They Want You to Take Charge in Bed

We’re not telling you to break out the whips and chains (yet). Just call the sexual shots sometimes. “Men feel constant pressure to perform, from seducing you to pleasing you in bed,” advises psychologist and sex therapist Joel Block, PhD, author of The Art of the Quickie. Being passive lets them focus fully on their enjoyment. Mark, 31, concurs. “I love when a girl grabs my head, kisses me hard, and starts stripping me,” he says. “I know she wants me, and it’s a thrill because it’s not typical behavior.”

So show him your naughty side. Surprise him in the shower with a wet ‘n’ wild quickie. Make a sack session all about his pleasure. Seduce him when he least expects it, suggests Lloyd. “If he’s watching the game, sit on his lap and block the TV, kiss him with lots of tongue, and start playing your own ball games.”

3 They’d Rather Log On Than Out at Times

It might feel crappy when a guy would rather play a video game than play with you, but it’s not uncommon. “When I’m on my Xbox, I can’t imagine stopping,” says Andrew, 28. “It’d be like eating chips and having someone suddenly take them away. You have to be ready to stop, even when your girlfriend is lying their half-naked!”

If it’s any consolation, it’s not personal; it’s a physiological response. “Trying to beat a game releases testosterone, which makes guys want to keep conquering, despite distractions—even dirty ones,” says sexologist Ava Cadell, PhD, author of Dr. Ava’s Tantra Workbook. So if your guy’s more plugged in than turned on from time to time, let up, and let him play. Who knows: The increased testosterone he’ll have once he finally shuts down might even leave him primed for a randy postwin celebration.

4 They Measure Their Manhood Two Ways

Though guys often joke about wanting a bigger penis, a recent study by a UCLA researcher found that a whopping 88 percent of guys consider their packages to be average or big. But if they’re cool with their size, why all the penis-enlargement scam? Turns out, some guys may be insecure about their erect units. “Men know how their flaccid penises compare to other men’s because they see them in locker rooms,” says David Frederick, a study coauthor. “But the only other erect penises straight guys see are the huge ones in porn.”

Of course, men know if they’re under average and may be sensitive. If your guy is small, try positions that allow for deep penetration. Doggie-style gives him maximum access, especially if you lower your chest. In missionary, put a pillow under your pelvis, and rest your feet on his shoulders. For girl on top, grind in circles—not up and down—to prevent slippage. To boost clitoral sensation, rub against his pelvic bone. With these tricks, size won’t matter…much.

5 They Love Kissing

Men actually dig making out as much as you do. A Cosmo poll found that 64 percent of guys crave more time for locking lips. Still, they often don’t think about their smooching style. “Men assume that if it’s arousing for them, it must be arousing for the girl,” says Drew Pinsky, MD, assistant professor at the University of Southern California’s medical school and host of Loveline. Rick, 32, agrees that guys can be kind of short-sighted. “I can’t remember bad ass kiss, except for one girl, who bit me. I just do what I always have, and it seems to work.”

Fortunately, that laid-back attitude makes lackluster kissers easy to restrain. “Gently hold his head still, tell him to stop, and let him simply receive your kisses for a minute,” suggests William Cane, author of The Art of Kissing. “That way, whether you like it slow or hot and heavy, he’ll know how to kiss you.”

6 Some Guys Take Drugs to Stay Erect

Researchers at Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago recently found that more than 1 in 20 male college students have used erectile-dysfunction medications like Viagra…and not with prescriptions. Most get the drugs illegally through pals or the web.

While some might do it to counteract a drooping member, most just like the Superman feeling of staying hard for hours. “It’s great because you have wood for two days and can have sex nonstop,” says Danny, 29, who had tried performance-enhancing drugs.

What’s worse: More than half the time, guys took the pills with alcohol or illegal drugs. That can deter condom use and decrease inhibitions, upping STD risks, says lead researcher Najah Musacchio, MD. Plus, the meds can cause side effects like headaches and changes in vision. So discourage your guy from playing doctor, explaining that you’d rather fuel sex with your own saucy desires.

7 They Don’t Think You Taste Weird

Many women assume that if a man hesitates about going down, he must be offended by their V zones. But when a guy doesn’t go at it with reckless abandon, it’s sometimes because you seem self-conscious, so he think he’s doing something wrong or you’re just not into it. “If a woman stiffens up or stops making sounds of pleasure, I’ll pull back because I don’t want to feel like I’m pushing her into anything, especially something that’s supposed to be for her,” says Mark, 30. “It’s Work!”

So when your guy heads south, focus on the titillating sensations, not your paranoia. Make eye contact, and run your fingers through his hair to help you both feel connected. Just acting appreciative will help him get into it more, which in turn can only help you relax.

8 They Can Define Cheating Creatively

From bachelor parties to bar hookups, guys can rationalize away a lot of bad behavior. “Many men don’t consider some indiscretions cheating, especially if there was no intercourse,” says Dr. Pinsky. Take Rick, 26, who uses sketchy logic. “Anything before my girlfriend and I were exclusive was okay. And I fooled around on vacation, but my girl could have been doing her own thing at home, so it was equal.”

To make sure you and your guy are on the same page, casually bring it up. Or play a “what if?” game using celebrities. “What if I could make out with Josh Hartnett? Would it be cheating? Is kissing always cheating?” etc. If you find that your definitions are different, you can hash things out then and there.

If he won’t see your POV, explain why certain acts would hurt you, suggests Block. “Guys get that because you’re speaking from the heart, not telling them what they can or can’t do.”

9 They Crave Feedback

Ever been with a guy who was great in bed…except that, say, he slurped your ear or squeezed your breasts like produce? Even sexually gifted men need to be pointed in the right direction sometimes…and more important, they want to be. “Men are eager to please their partners,” says Dr. Pinsky. “When something works in bed with one woman, they repeat it with their next partner—even if her turn-ons are totally different.”

Do yourself a favor and let him know that feels fantastic…and what doesn’t. Say something like “Do it a little harder,” or move his hand to the spot you want him to touch. “Another tactic is to ask what he wants. Say ‘Do you like oral sex this way or that way?’” says Lloyd. “It opens communication and shows him that you want him to give you options too.”

Or get his attention by reading a Cosmo sex article when you’re together and letting him peek at it. Then you can pick out moves you’d both like to try.

10 They Want You to Use Your Hands and Mouth

Sure, most men are grateful for oral sex and way they can get it. But then there’s bring-him-to-his knees, blow-his-mind oral sex. While making eye contact and moaning are great extras, the move that sends men over the edge is the hand-mouth combo—a skill that women often forget to employ. “Lots of times a woman will concentrate so much on giving oral sex that she forgets all about her hands,” says John, 35. “But when her hands go up and down along with her mouth, wow! And on the way down, the hands should add a little twist,” he says.

To give your guy this multitasking thrill, wrap your fingers around the base of his shaft, and move in tandem with your mouth. Use lots of saliva to ease the movement and he won’t be able to tell where your mouth ends and your hand begins. Men love that it’s twice the stimulation and creates even more friction than the mouth alone, says Cadell.