Anyone for Aural Sex?
by Lucy Broadbent

Cosmopolitan UK
Jan 2001

The sound of a long, deep “aaaaah” resonates down the corridors of the Sheraton Hotel in Los Angeles. Inside one of the conference suites, a gathering of 30 well-heeled individuals are obediently (and in perfect unison) making the kind of sound one might expect from someone who’s just seen a n adorable baby.

The group’s seminar leader is delighted with the result. She praises her pupils for creating the perfect sexual sound-effect for letting a partner know you’re enjoying foreplay.

. “Now I want you all to imagine you’ve just eaten the most delicious, tantalizing dish of your life. What sort of sound would you make?” continues the petite, 30something brunette, whose well-rehearsed voice is annoyingly velvety and seductive at all times. “Mmm,” the group obliges collectively.

. “And what might you be doing if you made that noise?” she asks, but answers before anyone else has a chance. “You would be receiving oral sex, maybe.” Her next request is for a “winning-the-lottery” sound, and the crowd enthusiastically erupts into a When Harry Met Sally “Yes, yess, yesss!” No prizes for guessing which sexual activity is going on there…

America is renowned for being the land of self-improvement, where most things in life are covered by a book or course promising ‘betterment’. But tonight’s seminar is more than just a self-help lecture – it is LA’s response to its notoriously fickle and straying lovers. It is a ‘must-do’ course for anyone who goes to bed with someone and hopes they’ll be returning the following night. We are here for a lesson in the language of love – and an assurance of fluency in just three hours.

According to America’s self-styled ‘Goddess of Aural Sex’, Dr. Ava Cadell, “making love without the appropriate sound effects is like watching a silent movie”. Her Art of Erotic Talk seminar promises to teach you all the right words and sounds to heighten sexual arousal levels – and to keep your partners eternally satisfied.

. “And to think I thought ‘Oh God’ was enough,” whispers one Armani-clad man to another sitting in the audience.

. “Actually, there are two words you can use during sex which are even more powerful than God himself,” says the ‘Goddess’, overhearing him… . “Yesss!” (with a very loud exclamation mark) is one of them. But the audience is stumped to think of the other.

. “The other is your lover’s name,” adds the Goddess. “But you’d better make sure you get the right name.”

Dr. Cadell coasts along the noticeably empty front row of chairs in teetering heels, dark suit and bright red nails, demonstrating a remarkable ability to remember every person’s name. She is professional, breezy and clearly very confident in the world of four-lettered anatomy references. Educated by nuns who told her sex is evil, Dr. Cadell resolved to dedicate her life to helping others keep their love lives healthy, and became a clinical sexologist. Her favorite motto is. “sex is between the ears, not the legs, and the most erotic part of the body is the mind”.

. “People are so afraid to talk about sex,” she tells her class. “But it’s crucial. If you were cooking dinner for your date, would you ask how he liked his steak cooked, or would you presume he liked it rare? Would you ask how he takes his martini, or would you just presume? You’d ask, wouldn’t you? And it should be the same with sex. It’s dangerous to assume everybody likes sex the same way we do. We are all very individual. I don’t think you should have sex until you talk about it. But how do you do that?”

And so begins our foray into the art of talking dirty which, Dr. Cadell assures us, has the two-fold benefit of teasing the sexual appetite as well as providing information. One early conversation for new lovers has to be some straight talking about the use of condoms, she insists. She also sees no reason why couples shouldn’t flirtatiously ask each other across the dinner table what their favorite erogenous zones are, or play sex games over the phone. “Why do you think phone sex lines are so successful?” she asks. “Because men can climax just from erotic talk – and what better way to find out what he likes?”

But the subject that gets Dr. Cadell most excited is fantasies. “We all fantasize about all kinds of things,” she coos. “Food, money, holidays…and, most importantly, sex, sex, sex!”

The most common sexual fantasies, according to Dr. Cadell, are having sex in a public place, having sex with a member of one’s own sex, being sexually dominated, and having sex with (or having sex as) a prostitute or gigolo.

But Dr. Cadell offers caution when turning fantasies into reality, citing one man who fantasized about having sex with a nun, only to be horrified when he came home to discover his wife in a nun’s habit. “As a fantasy,” she says, “it was fun, but the reality was he couldn’t have got it up if he tried. For many people, fantasies are best left exactly as fantasies.”

But fantasizing is a useful tool to let your partner know what you like. And, using more deep breaths than a ventilator, Dr. Cadell slows her voice down to almost a whisper to explain what she means. “Let’s say I’m imagining giving my lover a massage. I’ll say to him, ‘I’m spreading massage oil all over your beautiful body and I’m going to start by massaging your feet between my breasts. Then I’m going to pour oil all over me, press my body against yours and slide all over you – up and down, side to side…”

She stops and the room waits with anticipation for her next move. “You see, you can make a wish list of things that might heighten a sexual experience for you and deliver it to your lover in the form of a fantasy,” she explains. “If you’ve been in a relationship with someone for a while and sex has become predictable, this is a great and easy way to liven it up.”

Ever eager, and possibly not as inhibited as a British audience might be, a male participant now has a go, setting the scene for what Cadell tells us is the number one male fantasy – sex with two women. “We’ve a French maid coming to our home and my partner and I are going to let her pamper us,” begins the man. “We have a large bathtub and she’s going to bathe us, while feeding us strawberries and champagne.”

. “Ooh, I like that,” coos Cadell. “Very good. You see how he’s setting the scene? He’s not just going straight for the sex part, because the build-up is so much more exciting. Now he must ask his partner what she would like the maid to do to her. Maybe she would say (more deep breaths and whispering): ‘I would like her to caress me and kiss my nipples. Then I want you to undress her’. It’s up to you to make it as wild, as sensual, or as naughty as you like.”

Having established that we must talk about our fantasies and make more “oohs” and “aahs” in bed, Cadell tells us we must also use different tones of voice to display our sensual qualities. We should experiment with purring, playful, passionate and aggressive tones. We could even try a foreign accent. To be a good erotic vocalizer, we should also talk from the gut and breathe a lot.

As well as talking as if we’ve lost our voices with the flue, we need to find acceptable terms for our sexual organs. Women do not get turned on by the same words as men, so it is important to get it right, we are told. A popular word for vagina is ‘pussy’, because “it reminds us of a pussy cat – it’s fluffy, independent and doesn’t come when you call it.” A favorite word for penis is ‘dick’. But Cadell also recommends naming one’s private parts so that at a party one might say, “Napoleon is looking forward to seeing Josephine later tonight,” and no one else would be any the wiser.

Finally, Cadell challenges the class to demonstrate what it has learned by asking her pupils to read some scripts she has brought along – erotically. An unshaven, badly dressed, and not particularly attractive man shuffles to the front to read the first script – talking slowly, seductively, coolly…wonderfully. And when I close my eyes, I hear Tom Cruise. Suddenly, the reasoning behind Dr. Cadell’s course becomes strikingly apparent. With that voice, Mr. Nobody suddenly turned into a sex god, and there wasn’t a woman in the room who hadn’t noticed. The man had passed the aural sex test with flying colors.

Eight Verbal Tricks To Make You And Him Melt

Follow Cosmo’s erotic guide to great aural sex and you and your man will soon be fluent in the language of love…

  1. Share a verbal replay of your lovemaking after sex, positively reinforcing what you enjoyed most.
  2. Start describing a fantasy and ask your partner to end it.
  3. For those who are too shy to talk erotically at first, write erotic words on your partner’s body with your finger.
  4. Give your lover a massage and describe what you’re doing.
  5. Verbalize your appreciation by telling your man everything you love about him.
  6. Participate in erotic dialogue on the phone with the one you love.
  7. Read your partner an erotic bedtime story.
  8. Whisper sexy sweet nothings in his ear – in a favorite foreign accent.

The 10 Most Erotic Phrases Women Want to Hear

  1. You are beautiful.
  2. You feel good.
  3. I love the way you smell.
  4. I love the way you taste.
  5. You are the sexiest woman I have ever met.
  6. I love the way you make me feel.
  7. You have an incredible body.
  8. I could give you oral sex for days.
  9. You drive me crazy. What can I do to make you hot?
  10. You have a beautiful vagina.

The 10 Most Erotic Phrases Men Want to Hear

  1. I love your penis.
  2. You really know how to turn me on.
  3. I just love sucking on your throbbing hunk of manhood.
  4. I can’t get enough of your penis – it feels so good inside me.
  5. You’re the best lover I’ve ever had.
  6. You really know how to make me come.
  7. You have an amazing body.
  8. I want you to make me your sex slave tonight.
  9. I want to make love to you all the time – in lots of wild places.
  10. Yes, yes, yes, give it to me now.