During the Deed
Two excellent reasons to eschew silent sex: By piping up, you can help your guy make you feel good and make things hotter for him. So why are we so scared to raise our voices? “People aren’t taught how to talk erotically,” says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., a sexologist in Los Angeles and founder of LoveologyUniversity.com. “We’re left fumbling, trying to figure out what to say.”

We tend to default to what we’d like to hear, she adds, which is often very different for men and women. Psychologists know that women are turned on by erotic storylines and emotional talk (cough, cough.. Fifty Shades of Grey), while men gravitate toward visual language and explicit talk (cough, pornography, cough). That’s why, just when you’re working up the nerve to moan “I love you,” he might take the opportunity to announce that he loves your breasts. Also, not to get all “men are from Mars,” but psychologists have established that males and females use their words differently. “In general, men are more explicit and direct with their speech, while women tend to be more emotional and experiential with their language,” says Nicholson.

What further complicates it is that, in all the excitement, the words that come out of his mouth may be along the lines of “Yeah, you like that, you [completely inappropriate and startling synonym for prostitute].” “It can be unsettling when he suddenly says something dirty,” says Nicholson. “You might think, Whoa, he’s having sex, while I’m making love.” But this may only mean that he has seen one too many pornos and is just parroting the dialogue.

Making it work: Too sheepish to get vocal? To up your sigh-Q, “pretend you’re 10 times bolder than you actually are,” suggests Cadell.

Read the full article here.