The key to maintaining your health goals and a happy relationship? Understanding where you’re most compatible and where you’re likely to derail one another, says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., author of NeuroLoveology: The Power To Mindful Love & Sex.

Studies show that birds of a feather do indeed flock together (and stay together), says Cadell. And in this case, that can be good or bad. Having shared interests helps you connect—activating the bonding chemical, oxytocin, Cadell says. You just want to make sure those shared interests are helping, not hurting your goals. (Ahem, if you both love to veg out to House of Cards, but also dig hitting the trails, go with the latter!) If you learn to associate healthy behaviors with fun times together, the habit will be easier to build.

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