Shopping for sex toys used to involve seedy, sectioned-off rooms you’d never want to saunter into. But happily, the industry has gone mainstream (and online), with more Americans than ever proudly partaking in DIY pleasure: 53% of women and just under half of men use vibrators, according to a 2012 survey from Indiana University. And they aren’t only being used solo. Another survey found that 94% of people who shopped for sex toys believed the toys were part of a healthy relationship.

“Research shows people don’t use toys to replace intercourse,” says Irwin Goldstein, MD, the director of Sexual Medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego. “People are really having fun, my wife and I included.” If you’re on the fence about bringing toys into the bedroom, or you’ve sworn an allegiance to your trusty old vibrator, think of it like this: “We don’t need dessert, but it sure is yummy when we have it,” says Ava Cadell, PhD, a spokesperson for The Experience Channel and founder of LoveologyUniversity.com. And when it comes to dessert options, the more the merrier.

The Womanizer ($199, amazon.com) comes recommended by Ava Cadell, PhD, relationship expert and founder of Loveology University, who says it’s her favorite new sex toy. (Here are 4 things that happen to your vagina during sex.) “It fits around the 8,000 nerve fibers of the clitoris and provides vacuum suction and pulsating waves that can result in spontaneous orgasms,” she says.

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