Men’s Health Daily: Jumpstart Your Sex Life
March 18, 2006
www.menshealth.com
Jumpstart Your Sex Life
Simple strategies that will turn your old flame into a towering inferno
Repetition is great–if you’re learning Spanish, grooving your backhand, or making sure the sutures don’t rupture. But it’s death for your sex life, turning the pursuit of happiness into a holding pattern. Over Newark.
Well, enough of that stuff. It’s time to accelerate your pulse with some good, clean, original sex. It doesn’t mean risking arrest in a public garden–although it could–but it does mean injecting surprise into the proceedings. Yes, surprise–even if you think you know her body better than the quickest route to the local 7-Eleven.
We have 32 ideas to launch a voyage of sexual discovery unlike anything you’ve seen . . . at least since Cindy Lou let down her guard senior year. The difference now: You know what you’re doing, and you have a partner who deserves your respect, attention, and devotion. So make the most of it. Now, repeat after us, “I will . . . ”
1. START THE ACTION ANYWHERE EXCEPT THE BEDROOM.
The same old place is too conducive to the same old patterns, says Stella Resnick, Ph.D., a psychologist in West Hollywood and author of The Pleasure Zone. Explore some new erogenous areas: The kitchen. The bathroom. Quebec City. Your bodies will be in new places, making it unlikely that you’ll follow old routines.
2. COMPLIMENT HER.
And keep doing it . . . at least five times a day. It’ll make her feel noticed, special, and appreciated, and she’ll feel closer to you. “The more connected she feels, the more sexually inspired she’ll feel,” says Laura Berman, Ph.D., director of the Berman Center in Chicago. Compliment what she feels good about and cares about–her hair, shoes, singing voice, work triumphs–says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the author of Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex. A confident sex partner is an adventurous sex partner.
3. GO CANOEING OR HIKING.
Add a distinct but manageable touch of danger to the day. It will stimulate dopamine in her brain, which may trigger her sex drive, says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., an anthropologist at Rutgers University and the author of Why We Love. Pick the right trip–a guided whitewater excursion, for instance–and learn all about both the risks and the precautions you’ll take. She’ll see you as the cause of the excitement, as well as the source of security. Book the right B&B for the afternoon dry-off and you’re set.
4. WATCH PORN WITH THE SOUND OFF . . .
Sure, you’ll miss the snappy plumber-housewife banter. But now you two provide the dialogue. You’ll learn how to talk erotically, so it’s educational. But it’s also fun, you’re both invested in it, and it can help reveal fantasies, says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the author of Love around the House. And you’ll probably find some way to kill time during the sex scenes.
5. . . . OR SEE A CHICK FLICK.
Maybe porn isn’t her thing. But Pitt, Clooney, or McConaughey might be, and for her, these guys are porn, Brame says. She’ll be fantasizing about a man who’s sweet and will treat her well. And when he kisses the flirty female lead, you kiss your lady at the same time. Show her that reality–her life–can be better than that.
6. FEED HER BLACK LICORICE.
Bring it along when you’re watching the Clooney flick. Black licorice has been shown to speed up her genital bloodflow by 40 percent, Cadell says.
7. CRAFT FANTASIES.
Some Saturday afternoon when you’re feeling frisky, pour wine and divide 10 3×5 cards between you and your mate. Each of you writes down five sexual fantasies while the wine loosens your inhibitions. Then head out to a restaurant, where you can get a booth and some privacy in a public setting. Over dinner and more wine, pull out the cards and discuss. You’ll feel filthy discussing this stuff in hushed voices in a public place, which is exactly the point. Your goal: Make three piles–“yes,” “maybe someday,” and “not on your life.” Put the possibles in a shoe box, and once a month (she feels sexiest before she ovulates), pull a winner. Any necessary planning–you can’t go with just any football player/cheer- leader outfits–heightens the anticipation, Cadell says.
8. EXPLORE NEW REGIONS.
You’ve heard about her nipples and vagina? Good. Now spend some time on the back of her neck. It’s a brave new world of nerve endings, so gentle caressing and kissing are all that’s needed. The base of her spine is sensation central, as well. Or gently stroke and kiss her belly just above the pubic hairline. Sex becomes about discovery, not seeking some destination. “Goal-oriented sex is not that sexy,” Brame says.
9. TAKE AN OVERNIGHT TRAIN.
There are stimulators all around, from the dining car to the passing landscape, to trying to walk and balance a gin-and-tonic in the aisle. And there’s also your sleeping compartment, your own special sex-womb-with-a-view. It’s a new place, and it moves, which adds a new dynamic. And it’s somewhat public; there’ll be new excitement when you’re in flagrante delicto and the train stops, and people are outside your window.
10. SPEND A NIGHT IN TIBET.
Try the Yab-Yum position, which is how they talk dirty in Asia. You both sit up, and she faces you, sitting on your lap with a pillow under her bottom, for easier penetration. You’ll have constant contact with her clitoris, but she’ll control the pressure. Move slowly. “The emotional connection makes it intense,” says Lou Paget, a sex educator in Los Angeles and the author of The Great Lover Playbook.